DATING ADVICE
Dating Overseas As a Single Dad : Can YOU Do It?
A lot of men often live pretty full lives before finding their one true love. They go to school, they make friends, they have careers, and sometimes, they make major life decisions like getting married and having children. But for whatever reason, the romantic relationship doesn’t work out and they’re single again.
Well, mostly single.
They’re not single like they used to be before the relationship. This time, they’ve got some experience and they’ve had their heart broken. Oh, and they’ve got small humans who depend on them for their very survival. Those tiny humans can make dating a little bit more complicated than it already is, since they’re going to be in his life while he’s trying to romance someone.
Now if the man decides to date a foreign woman, things can get a bit more complicated.
But having children doesn’t mean that a guy can’t date, nor does it mean that his dating life has to die off completely. It’s just that he’s going to have to adjust his approach when they’re going after women because they have to take their children into consideration when they’re trying to find love.
There are a lot of ways that single dads can still go about dating, even when the object of his romantic affection comes from a different country.
Temper Expectations
An important thing that a single dad has to do when he’s dating someone is to temper expectations. He can’t just go out and tell his kids and they’re about to have a new stepmom because the relationship might not work out. They can’t get their kids all excited only for the relationship to blow up in his face.
So a guy who’s got kids and is dating again needs to temper whatever excitement his kid(s) might start feeling at the prospect of a new mom or a new stepmom.
Let them know that she’s not going to be a wicked stepmom
You probably know the fairytale Cinderella. It’s a story that’s embedded with western cultural zeitgeist. It’s received numerous adaptations and is always present in popular culture in one form or another.
The antagonist of that story is her wicked stepmother. Now, because of how enduring the story is, the idea of a wicked stepmother is pretty pervasive in popular consciousness. Kids who’ve heard the fairytale or seen one of its many adaptations might be a little apprehensive at the idea of a stepmother, fearing that they’ll be turned into maids like Cinderella was.
So a guy that’s marrying someone is going to have to reassure his kid(s) that his new wife isn’t going to be some wicked stepmother like the one in the fairytale. His kid(s) may need reassurance that they’ll be just fine with a new family member helping to raise them.
Get his ex acquainted with the idea
Raising a child can be a one-person job. But when it comes to making one, it takes two to tango. Sometimes, a guy who has a kid(s) has an ex that’s not in the picture. Maybe they left or maybe they died. Whatever the case, he’s doing it all by himself.
But there are cases where his ex is very much in the picture and he’s not doing it all by himself. Maybe she’s a former girlfriend or a former wife. Whatever the case, they were in a romantic relationship but the relationship ran its course but part of that course included procreation.
Now, it’ll be important for guys with a kid(s) to make sure that their ex is aware of their new flame’s existence. The child(ren) is hers, too and she’s got a right to know who’s going to be spending significant time around them.
Just them knowing her will be enough, but it’d be great if the ex liked the new flame, as well. If all the parental figures like each other and don’t talk bad about one another, then that’s going to make the transition a lot easier for the kids.
Introduce the kid(s) to her culture
Of course, it’s not just the ex that needs to get onboard with a single dad dating again. The kids also have to be cool with it. It’s not enough that they’re not scared of her, they also have to actually like her.
Now, the new flame being foreign can present a problem not just logistically, but also because the kid(s) aren’t likely to be familiar with her culture. Now, taking the kids on a trip to her home country is certainly possible, if pricey. But there are some smaller steps a guy can take so his kid(s) isn’t completely aware of his new partner’s culture.
Steps like taking the kid(s) to a restaurant where the country’s cuisine is on the menu. It’ll serve as a quick and affordable introduction to her culture.
Now, if time and money are available, then a guy can indeed take his kids to her partner’s country. That’ll give the kid(s) a chance to meet the new partner’s extended family.
Take it slow
Major life changes can be pretty jarring, especially for children. As such, any single dad who plans on making changes to his life should do so slowly because the changes made to his life are going to reverberate and affect his kid(s)’s life as well.
So he can’t just drop the news on his kid(s) that he’s about to get married and that they’re about to have a new stepmom. He’s going to have to take it slow, introduce her in bits and pieces so it’s not a massive shock for their still developing brains.
Love is not something that’s limited to people who don’t have baggage. A person doesn’t need to have a blank slate in their past in order to be deserving of love. Having baggage, even in the form of a whole other person, is a complication but not a disqualifying factor.
