PSYCHOLOGY
Emotional Independence: Your Feelings, Your Rules
One of the greatest feelings in life is having someone be there for you and provide emotional support. You won’t have to struggle to deal with things alone. You have your partner to rely on.
However, sometimes you might be asking for too much. And this never-ending need for emotional support is unhealthy.
Don’t get me wrong, you can depend on your partner for comfort and guidance. You trust them, and that’s a good thing. But if you don’t even try to fulfill that need yourself, that’s called being overly dependent. And because you lean on someone 24/7, you don’t grow as an individual; neither can your partner.
Don’t let this be the norm. Make emotional independence a standard for your relationship.
Being emotionally independent means understanding and managing your feelings. You don’t need someone else to constantly point things out and help you regulate or validate them. Your self-awareness and self-sufficiency give you complete authority to respond to your emotions healthily.
In other words, your feelings, your rules. And here’s why it’s necessary to have it that way in your relationship:
No unnecessary mood swings
You establish healthy boundaries between your mood and others’. You become less affected by their emotional state, allowing you to think and act logically.
Clarity
Emotional independence provides you with an objective outlook, so you can decide what is best for you. Your better judgment over situations means that other’s opinions have less impact on you. You won’t have to suffer from the consequences of undue influence.
Stronger self-identity and value
Since you have clarity over your emotions, you don’t constantly need validation from others. You’re confident that your preferences and decisions will lead you to your desired outcome.
Effective stress management
When you constantly need emotional support, there are often those voices in your head telling you what you should or ought to have done. However, they only cause anxiety and stress as they unconsciously push you to meet others’ expectations.
However, your independence introduces you to effective coping mechanisms, making you less emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of dwelling on what should or ought to have happened, it leads you to refocus on the things that matter more — those that fulfill you.
Emotional support indeed helps you deal with difficulties. This is why many couples are encouraged to learn how to identify when their partner needs it and how to provide it.
So, this isn’t to discourage you from leaning on your partner now and then. Rather, this is a reminder that too much of something is unhealthy. In this case, it’s overdependency.
Such won’t help you build a better relationship, as you’re giving all the work to your partner. It also doesn’t help you grow. After all, you’re refusing to get out of your comfort zone.
Fortunately, you can turn things around.
Emotional independence gives you more control over your feelings and actions in a relationship. Moreover, it puts less burden on the other person and allows for reciprocation. In this way, you can also be a source of emotional strength for them. Remember, a relationship is a give-and-take.
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