INTERRACIAL LOVE
How to Introduce Your Ukrainian Fiancé to Your Family
Imagine for a second that you’re dating someone. Imagine that this person is from a foreign country, like Ukraine. Imagine that you’re not from Ukraine. Now imagine, if you will, that you have to introduce that significant other to your family. You’re not sure how to do it, but you know that you have to.
It’s not an outlandish scenario for a man who’s not Ukrainian to have a fiancé that is. After all, Ukraine has a shortage of men, which leaves a lot of women without any options for male companionship, even when you factor out the women who aren’t interested in male companionship.
The scenario you imagined may not be fantasy at all. Maybe it’s your reality, and you have no idea how to navigate it. Don’t worry. Here are a few tips that you can use to make the unknown a little more known.
Build it up slowly.
Part of introducing a foreign fiancé to your family is to lay a foundation. Build up the anticipation. Don’t just hop on a plane and come back with a fiancé. You’ll want to make sure that they know she exists so that no one dies from the shock of the surprise at you suddenly being engaged.
Let your family know that you’ve found someone, even if it’s just online and that you haven’t met her in person yet. Make sure they know that she exists. Maybe you can arrange a video call so that she can meet important family members, like your parents and/or children. Or, you can talk to your family about your significant other. Let them know that not only is she extant but also that she’s got her own personality.
Make sure that they know she’s not a gold digger.
There’s a certain perception that some foreign women only want to marry Western men because Western men have more money than the men in their country or because marrying those men grants them access to their countries.
Some guys are okay with that arrangement because that’s a give-and-take. He gets a beautiful wife, and she gets access to a lifestyle that she wants. They both give something and they both get something in return. If this is the arrangement that you’ve come to with your woman, then that’s your business entirely.
But some families are wary of gold-diggers, even if it’s something that’s mutually beneficial.
Now, if the reasons for your relationship are more traditional — the two of you actually being in love with each other — then you need to make it clear that she’s with you for those reasons and not because she’s looking to get a green card and your debit card.
If you have kids, pay them special attention.
You may have had love in the past and that love may have resulted in children. If these children are still, well, children and not grown adults, then it’s important for them to know that not only do you have a significant other but also that she’s about to be a big part of your life and their lives by extension.
Also, you should let the mother of your kids know about your significant other. She’s got a right to know who’s going to be in her kids’ life, after all. Plus, it’ll be a lot easier for you personally if your new flame gets along with your ex.
Introduce elements of her culture to your family.
Since your fiancé is from a different country, she’s going to come from a different cultural background than you and your family. Now, she’s going to bring that culture with her and your family is going to be introduced to it via her.
But you can make some preliminary introductions before they ever meet her. Maybe find a Ukrainian restaurant and take your family there. It may not be a full introduction to your significant other’s culture, but it is something. A few small things should get them acclimated to her culture, which should make transitioning her into your lives a lot easier.
Warn her about them.
Now, introducing your family to your significant other isn’t just about making sure that they’re going to be comfortable with her, it’s also about making sure that she’s going to be comfortable with them.
You need to make sure that your fiancé is going to be ready for whatever interrogation your family deigns to foist upon her and you need to make sure that she’s able to answer their questions.
You should also get her ready for them to talk behind her back. You can prepare them all you want about how she’s not a gold-digger, but once the seed’s been planted, it won’t be fully uprooted. At least, not for a few years, if ever. She’s going to need to be ready to thicken her skin because your family might not be all that cool with her.
Get her caught up on your traditions.
Traditions are important to families. It doesn’t have to be anything big, like how some families pass down artifacts. It can be small things, like who cuts the turkey at Thanksgiving or who hangs the star on the Christmas tree for families that celebrate Christmas.
But these traditions, big or small, are important to families and your fiancé is going to become a participant in those traditions. You need to bring her up to speed with them because being a participant can make it easier for your family members to accept her as the newest member of your family.
Marrying someone is complicated. Marrying them when they come from a different country is even more so. But the biggest complication is people. The way that the people in your life react to the newest addition is going to be a complication, but it’s one that you can manage.
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