ADVICE
Don’t Get Stuck in a Transactional Relationship
In an ideal universe, every relationship is an unselfish and transformative union that benefits all parties. Unfortunately, reality doesn’t always paint such an altruistic picture. For some of us, people — in this case, the one we’re in a relationship with — are just a means to an end. And with that mentality, a transactional relationship.
What Are Transactional Relationships?
When you hear of transactional relationships, you may think they’re contradictory to the essence of a romantic partnership. That’s because they are.
Relationships of this nature focus on the benefits each party receives from them. Forget about feelings and attraction! Why be vulnerable when you can leave after getting what you came for! Convenience is the name of the game and there’s no other way to play it, at least for the people involved in these relationships.
Either one or both parties in transactional relationships will only uphold their end of the bargain after taking something from each other. It’s as if you’re in a business deal. And unfortunately, there’s a chance you may not get a fair deal out of this arrangement.
Defining Traits of Transactional Relationships
What are the specific characteristics of these arrangements? Here are some of their distinct traits:
1. Specific expectations
Both parties know what they’ll get out of each other. And because of that, both have specific expectations from the arrangement. If those expectations are not met, the relationship may fizzle out.
2. Contradictions
Relationships are supposed to be a team effort. Transactional relationships are the opposite. You and your partner’s interests are against each other because of personal agendas.
3. Results-based outlook
In this trait, neither of you care about how you’ll get what you’re looking for. As long as you receive your wants, you won’t pay attention to the means.
4. Penalties and rewards
Transactional relationships are harsh because of this. If you don’t meet expectations, you’ll receive consequences. Conversely, you’ll get more of what you want if you keep your end of the bargain.
5. Toxicity
Of all the traits on this list, this is the most distinguishable. Transactional relationships are unhealthy because of their rigidness. They may be give-and-take setups, but their coldness makes them toxic due to the lack of emotional investment.
The Dangers of Transactional Relationships
Transactional relationships have consequences. Rewards can only sustain partnerships for so long.
One, these arrangements are a breeding ground for resentment. Nobody likes being taken advantage of, especially if feelings are involved. Some may not express their dismay, but it’s there.
For example, your match only sees you at their convenience. They’ll call you at their convenience because only you can fulfill their needs. They’ve pegged you as their go-to person as if you’re their personal 24/7 convenience store.
Two, meaningful relationships get reduced to tasks. Instead of fulfillment, all you’ll feel is misery. Let’s face it, what’s fulfilling about an emotionless partnership solely based on rewards and expectations?
If you’re in this situation, here’s a friendly tip: not all relationships are transactional. You shouldn’t feel obligated to cater to every whim. You’re in a romantic partnership — not a contractual agreement.
A transactional relationship is a loveless and stressful union no one should risk themselves for. The benefits will only provide temporary satisfaction, so why settle for that when there’s a real chance at long-lasting happiness?
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