CULTURE
The Wedding MOST Ukrainian Women Expect
Weddings are one of the most important days in a person’s life. There’s a multibillion-dollar industry centered around planning and supporting weddings because of how important they’re perceived by people.
But as important as they are to people, they’re also among the most stressful events that a person can plan. Between finding a venue, vendors, a seating chart, a guest list for that seating chart, and someone to get married to, weddings can be a pretty hectic thing just in terms of logistics.
There’s also another aspect of weddings that can be pretty stressful and it’s something that people bring with them and can be pretty sensitive about. That aspect is tradition(s).
Depending on a person’s religious, familial, and cultural background, those traditions can vary. A Ukrainian family that practices some Eastern Christian rite is going to have a different set of marital traditions than a Shinto family from Japan.
If you’re marrying a Ukrainian woman, then it’s going to be important for you to learn about the wedding traditions that are specific to her and her cultural background so as to have the kind of wedding that she’s going to expect.
The only problem with that is that because you’re (probably) not Ukrainian yourself, your exposure to those cultural aspects of Ukraine has, thus far, been minimal at best. So you’re not entirely aware of what those traditions are. But you can learn about some of those traditions to make the day more special for your Ukrainian bride-to-be.
The Pick-Up
You might think that it’s bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony. It’s why American brides arrive at the venue separate from the groom. Couples don’t want to risk the groom seeing the bride because they feel like doing that starts the marriage off on the wrong foot.
But things are a little different in Ukraine. The bride and groom do not arrive separately and they do see each other before the wedding ceremony. In fact, the groom is supposed to arrive at the bride’s family home and escort her to the venue.
The Negotiation
Now, it’s not that easy. It’s not like you just show up and the family just gives you the bride. You’re going to have to negotiate.
At the entrance of the house, there will be a table with a special cloth and some flowers. On one side of the table will be the bride’s family and friends. On the other side of the table will be yours. Both parties then negotiate a price for the bride. Sometimes the price is candies and chocolates. Sometimes it’s a small amount of money.
But if you think that it’s over once the price is reached and settled, you’re wrong.
Once you’ve paid, now you have to win. The bride’s party is going to hit you with a series of challenges. Sometimes, the bride and her bridesmaids will all press their lipsticked mouths to napkins and present them to you and it’ll be on you to figure out which one belongs to your beloved or other such challenges.
Now, completing the challenges doesn’t mean that it’s over. Not by a long shot. So you may want to brace yourself.
The Decoy
The negotiations are done and the challenges are won. The doors open and out steps your bride. The only problem is that it’s not your bride. Not even close. Now you have to negotiate some more in order to switch out the fake bride with the real one.
Look, the negotiations aren’t to bilk you of money or to discourage you from marrying her. They’re traditional and the negotiations give her time to get ready and get herself dolled up. They’re also not supposed to take too long because you and your bride have to get to city hall to legally register your union.
The Blessing
Once the bride has done everything she needs to do on her end — things to which you need not be privy — now you get her. But it’s not quite over yet. Now you and your would-be wife have to be blessed by your parents and godparents.
Now, you may have a godmother and a godfather. But you may only have one of each because that’s how it’s done in a lot of Western countries. But that’s not how it’s done in places like Ukraine. Kids get anywhere between two and ten sets of godparents when they’re baptized and it’s going to be no different when it comes time to get married.
You’re going to be blessed by multiple sets of people who are going to use wreaths or icons. So make sure you’re not opposed to total strangers blessing you with wreaths or icons.
The Cake
Wedding cakes are a pretty important piece of the reception. When it comes to the food, it’s basically the centerpiece. The couple is supposed to cup it and smash pieces into each other’s faces or feed each other pieces of cake.
You probably think of a wedding cake as a multi-tier thing covered in vanilla cream and some lemon meringue or whatever for umami. But it’s a little different in Ukraine. Instead of a cake, you’ll get a wedding break known as Korovai.
Now, unlike the traditional wedding cake, a Korovai is made almost exclusively by married women, and widows are strongly, very strongly, discouraged from participating in its preparation. It also isn’t something that’s brought out at the end of the reception. It’s supposed to follow the couple from the start of their day to the end of the day.
The importance of the wedding ceremony itself cannot be understated. It’s one of the most important milestones in a person’s life. While it may not be the moment that two people legally become man and wife, that’s not until they sign the marriage certificate, it’s symbolic of two people being in love and committing themselves to one another.
It’s supposed to be a happy day, so you may have to jump through a few hoops to make your Ukrainian bride-to-be happy.
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