Issues
Commitment Issues: Are You Ready to be in a Relationship?
“I’ve been working on me baby; there’s so much trauma in my life. I’ve been so cold to the ones who loved me– I look back now and I realize.”
These words echo the sentiments of many people today who struggle to commit to a relationship. In this day and age where relationships often seem fleeting, it’s not uncommon to find people hesitant to dive into the deep end of love. We wonder, why the hesitation? Why the fear of passion and connection?
The new generation of lovers has observed the past, learning from the successes and failures of those who came before them. They’ve seen relationships crumble and have experienced heartbreak firsthand. As a result, many are wary of commitment, fearing failure, hurt, or being hurt. This fear has grown into what we know as commitment issues.
Understanding Commitment Issues
What are commitment issues? What causes them?
Commitment issues often stem from past traumas or negative experiences in relationships. These can include being mistreated, lied to, or having trust broken. While they might not seem like a huge problem at first glance, they can lead to severe difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.
Some end up cheating because their past relationships influence them, believing their actions are justified. Or perhaps they just don’t know how to be contented with their partner, so they find someone else to feel fulfilled.
Here are some reasons that would cause people to have commitment issues:
Anxiety
Anxiety is a natural part of life, but when it becomes overwhelming, it can be a significant barrier to relationships. People with anxiety may constantly question their actions and feelings, wondering if they deserve love or if someone truly loves them. This can lead them to turn down opportunities for connection.
Anxiety can also arise during a relationship. For instance, feeling trapped when a partner becomes more invested can be daunting, especially if one has never experienced such commitment before. While it’s normal to feel this way, it can hinder the relationship and make it difficult for partners to understand each other’s needs.
Secretive Infidelity
Everybody has secrets, but some should never be kept hidden. Cheating, whether physical or virtual, is a betrayal of trust and can stem from commitment issues. People who engage in secretive infidelity often can’t commit to one partner, driven by selfish desires and the belief that their actions won’t affect their partner if kept hidden.
It’s considered a commitment issue because some people can’t commit to one relationship. They’re usually driven by selfish desires, thinking that what they can do won’t affect their partner if it is all kept a secret.
Unresolved Trauma
Whether it was because of their naivete or their ignorance towards their partner’s actions, they end up becoming subconsciously traumatized. They usually are the results of being cheated on, or being abused, or being mistreated in general. Because of said trauma, they tend to create a bad image of a person who wants to be in a relationship; they would picture someone who wants a relationship because they want to be the dominant personality out of the two.
Trauma can also originate from childhood or upbringing, where negative messages about self-worth are internalized. For example, they were told by their friends or family that they were not enough as a person, or they achieved so little to be given praise or love. They develop a deep insecurity thinking they are not worthy of being loved.
Overcoming Commitment Issues
The first step to overcoming commitment issues is self-reflection. Ask yourself, “Do I have commitment issues?” and “Does my partner struggle with them too?” Identifying the root cause is crucial.
Self-reflection helps you better understand yourself. Admitting and acknowledging that you have a problem is the most effective first step you can take. Consider whether you can address these problems on your own or if they require professional help. How deep is this problem? If you can do it by yourself, make sure to take accountability for every wrongdoing you create.
You can start by doing something small, such as a routine with your partner or yourself. See if you can consistently follow that routine and prolong your commitment to it. Sometimes, a person needs motivation and dedication to commit to a relationship or routine.
If you ever have a hard time solving your problems, seeking professional help from a therapist or a counselor is the wisest choice you’ll make. Never be afraid to seek guidance to overcome your fear of commitment. Everybody has to start somewhere.
Related read
