Self-Love
Love Yourself Before You Love Others: Self-Care Importance
“Loving myself does not mean I am vain. I know my worth”
It’s not a surprise people still loathe themselves while in a relationship and wonder why their relationships never last. And what do they all have in common? They did not learn how to love themselves.
People who don’t know how to love themselves tend to subconsciously/consciously project their self-hatred towards their partners. They try their best to avoid conflict nor cause harm to their partners, but ultimately they still end up hurting the ones they love. And when the dust settles, they start questioning themselves, which then leads to an abusive cycle.
Self-loathing stems from a person’s childhood or their adolescent stage.
Depending on how they were raised at home or their adaptation to the school’s environment, some of them were pressured to becoming someone they’re not, bullied for doing things that they weren’t aware of, or were called out for their flaws; hence they become more insecure about themselves and they wished they could have this perfect image of themselves.
Insecurity creates a false perception of a person’s self, which leads to a misunderstanding of their worth.
The Process of Learning to Love Yourself
“Everyone starts somewhere. It’s never too late to learn something new”
Countering self-loathing is challenging, especially for those who continue hating themselves for many years. Pride and denial usually hinder a person from accepting their humble lessons of self-love. But here’s an exposé: at a later point in their lives, everybody learns how to take good care of themselves. So why shouldn’t you? Love yourself first before you allow other people to be in your life or be in their lives.
So, how do you love yourself?
The answers are tricky but they are doable. Look in the mirror or picture yourself talking to the image of yourself. Then ask “How are you?/ How have you been?” and be honest with your answer. If the answer is positive, give yourself a little praise for having accomplished something. If the answer is negative, comfort and tell yourself, “Let’s calm down and understand why it happened” and allow yourself to retrace your steps without skewing any event, nor giving any negative comments.
Understand that negativity is not the same as objectively critiquing. Know that what you did was either wrong, right, or both. Sometimes having a gray area in your behavior and actions is okay. Not everything has to be black or white, but when you’re learning to love yourself, always take accountability.
The Golden Rule Applied For Self-Love
“Do Not Do Unto Others, What You Do Not Want Others To Do Unto You”
The Golden Rule by Confucius was not only meant for manners and discipline but for any aspect that requires you to interact with another person, be it love, kindness, treatment, empathy — all sorts.
Everything you do will reflect onto you. At the end of the day, how you treat people reflects how you treat yourself. Although that is not the case for some, as there are those who treat people highly even while their self-esteem is tragically low.
The Golden Rule was relevant back in ancient times and still is relevant today. If you want others to love you, learn how to love yourself; if you want others to take accountability for their actions, learn how to be accountable for your actions. Knowing your problems is not the same as acknowledging them.
When taking accountability for your actions, understand that you shouldn’t bring yourself down and give up. Just like athletes listening to their coaches, they’d tell you things you need to hear even though it’s painful. Just remember, “There are things under my control. I control my actions, thoughts, and words.”
Learn to take accountability for things that you’ve done, and not the things that affected you or happened outside of your control. In this case, “Do Unto Others, As Others Do Unto You” can be translated as “Love Others, As You Love Yourself.”
