Realities
Decoding Unconditional Love: Realistic or Idealistic?
“Love knows no reason, no boundaries, no distance. It has a sole intention of bringing people together to a time called forever — Unknown”
― H. H. Fowler, Love Knows No Bounds
Are you trying to learn how to love your partner unconditionally? Does your relationship feel more transactional than genuine? Or are you feeling like you’re always bound and obligated to reciprocate with your partner?
Everybody starts somewhere at a certain point in their relationships. Before you start learning how to love unconditionally, you need to understand what unconditional love is.
What is unconditional love, and how does one love unconditionally?
Unconditional love is a type of love commonly seen in familial settings but can also be found in romantic relationships. It is love in which one doesn’t expect anything in return.
It is also known as agape — a love wide-open. When you love someone unconditionally, you give what you have and give because you want to; the whole gist of loving someone unconditionally is that you find satisfaction in not doing things half-heartedly.
But with this definition comes the question: Is unconditional love realistic or merely idealistic?
According to several couples’ testimonies, loving their partners unconditionally creates a sense of safety and security for their mental health, as well as giving them head space to avoid committing bigger mistakes.
One factor that stood out about couples practicing unconditional love is “patience.” Knowing that their partners are human, the errors committed are bound to happen at any time; so what they would do is lovingly accept their mistakes and give full forgiveness.
Knowing how heavy being fully forgiven is, those who commit mistakes develop a sense of guilt and regret and, in turn, develop an awareness of how to ensure that their forgiveness will be reciprocated.
How Do You Practice Unconditional Love?
When you practice unconditional love, keep in mind that you are giving your partner everything, and we’re not talking about money or material gifts. There should be no judgment, no ill intentions, no expectations of return, and certainly no limitations to how much love you give.
Do remember that what you give should be genuine to what you are feeling, and before you begin loving someone, start learning to unconditionally love yourself first.
It takes a lot of self-control to begin because there are things that you can’t control that will possibly tick you off. But everybody has to start somewhere, right? You can start by developing these:
- Openness: With an open heart and an open mind, you allow yourself to love more than what you’re capable of. The word agape itself means wide open, with no boundaries.
- Acceptance: Just like openness, you allow your partner to feel validated. You acknowledge their very presence, their traits, their flaws, their strengths, everything about them. Even for their wrongdoings, you learn to accept that it’s not the person who has done wrong, but the actions made.
- Integrity: The genuineness of what you give matters. The honesty of your love provides more security to your partner; in return, they do the same for you.
- Generosity: When you give love, give it all that you have. These days, humans have become more stingy; they think it would be a waste to give more to a person than they should.
When you practice these and fully develop them, you will be able to identify the signs of unconditional love and put them into practice.
Realistic or Idealistic?
Practicing unconditional love is a tall order, wouldn’t you agree?
Truth be told, the concept of “completely unconditional love” may just be wishful thinking, especially in the context of romantic relationships. While this may be realistic in a parent-child relationship, this concept is near-impossible to achieve in marriage or romantic relationships.
We love because we want our partners to love us in return — that is one condition we can’t deny. If our partners do not reciprocate our feelings, the result is often a failed relationship and we’re left to cope with unrequited love.
So is unconditional love idealistic? In a sense, it is. For the most part, we can only hope our partners love us unconditionally. You’d have to be a people-pleaser to be able to give unconditional love, and that is at the risk of unrequited love.
Then again, that’s not to say that we should just abandon the idea of unconditional love because we shouldn’t. To give is better than to receive, after all. A better understanding of this concept is what we need to make it work.
Invest in Yourself Before You Love Someone Unconditionally
Although it may sound contradictory to the statement of “love with no boundaries”, you must remember that everybody has their limits; that includes you. It’s like an investment.
For example, you own a chicken coop and you’ve got yourself a dozen baskets of eggs. Should you sell every single one of them? Of course not, you need to have some for yourself. Not saying you should only have a little, but have enough that would sustain yourself.
Do understand that when you love someone unconditionally, people who become your partner will have the wrong idea of abusing your goodness. And the same goes for you; when someone unconditionally loves you, remember to give the same or give more than what they’ve given.
You have limits; you can’t always tolerate people abusing your love. While it is possible to love someone unconditionally, DO NOT forget to invest love in yourself first. This way, you’ll be mindful of your limits and know when to walk away.
