Psychology
Am I Good Enough for My Partner?
“Recognition is what I want and it’s something that you should know– But I’ve been the hardest to love.”
“Am I good enough?” Here and then, we often ask ourselves if what we’re doing is right and enough for our lover or future spouse. Honestly, it’s such a horrible feeling to doubt your capabilities as a loving partner. When you end up questioning yourself, it leaves you in shambles.
But what makes us question ourselves?
Where did it all come from?
Why are we feeling these things?
It’s a normal occurrence, truth be told. We, humans, need verification and validation to keep ourselves pushing forward. But what if no one’s around to tell you that what you did is good enough? How will you keep yourself grounded without bothering your partner?
Finding the Root Causes and Getting Rid of Them
Every problem we have is like weeds on rice paddies; they blend in and leech off the soil’s nutrients and take most of the crops’ nourishment. In this subject, the crops are your self-esteem. So what do you have to do? You gotta find them and weed them out, of course. Here are some common root causes of doubting your capabilities:
Insecurities
You could be carrying that fear of not being good enough since you were young. It could be because you weren’t given that much validation, or were always ignored. Everything that stems from your insecurity blinds your perception of your abilities, which could lead you to see your partner in a different light, making you doubt if you are good enough for your partner.
Understandably, my statement sounds harsh and a little too close to home, but you also need to understand that this is to help you realize what other things you need to take care of.
Self-Doubt and Overthinking
There’s a saying “The greatest enemy you could face is yourself.” And no truer words have been spoken. Doubts create an illusion of yourself; clouding your judgment that leads you to overthinking. Being critical of yourself is good but being overly critical is unhealthy. Whenever your judgment is clouded, you start thinking of scenarios that never really existed; after all this time, it was just in your head.
Victim of Verbal Abuse
Being abused is a heavy reason why you think you’re not good enough. Sometimes it is your family or former partner who says such mean things about you. Sticks and stones can break your bones but psychological damage takes a long time to heal. People who have been verbally abused often have very low self-esteem; which is why when they go into a new relationship, they keep questioning themselves or blame themselves when everything does not go right.
Self-Love Heals and Assures Your Worth
It is normal to be doubtful whether you’re good enough for your partner or your future relationship. Although battling insecurities takes years of self-confidence training and motivation, you can always set aside your fears and ask your partner for validation. Letting your partner know you’re unsure of your capabilities allows them to assure you or prove that what you’re doing is enough.
Seeking professional help from therapy or counseling helps build a foundation of your emotional strength to recognize your worth as a partner.
It’s okay to feel like you’re not good enough. It’s okay to tell yourself “I am not good enough.” You are human after all. But, you are responsible for your mentality and worth. You are indeed valuable and you should never let yourself sink into your lack of self-esteem. Reflect and love yourself; that way you can truly see that you are good enough for your partner.
To counter your doubts, remember what you are capable of doing, and if you can do those, then that’s enough. For example, if you can be patient with your partner’s faults, provide love, and sacrifice time and effort to give what your partner needs; then that already shows how valuable you are.
Take pride in what you can do, because if no one will validate you, who will?
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