Relationship Problems
How to Spot a Manipulator: Protecting Yourself from Danger
Have you ever encountered someone who loves to do things their way, even when their methods seem questionable? Have you noticed that they try to look good whenever something bad happens in their life?
They could be showing signs of narcissism; even worse, manipulation.
How do you recognize a manipulator if you’re not sure what to look for? It’s easy to get caught up thinking this is what your partner is truly like — when in reality, it isn’t. What if underneath this whole facade is a person who just wants all the good things and never the bad?
Recognizing these behaviors is crucial in protecting yourself from emotional harm and maintaining healthy relationships.
Identifying What a Manipulator is Like
For those of you who don’t know or are not familiar with what a manipulator is, it’s the type of person who wants things to go their way; they will do anything to make sure they get what they want.
Usually, they’re very Machiavellian (cunning or deceptive, they desire to get power through any means necessary), and they tend to lie, cheat, and skew any piece of truth just to make themselves look good.
Their ends justify their means; they don’t care if you get hurt as long as they have what they want. To quote a famous phrase by a character named Lord Farquad from Shrek “Some of you may die, but it is a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
Look out for these underhanded tactics to learn how to spot a manipulator:
Guilt Tripping and Deflection
Guilt tripping and deflection are tactics that manipulators use all too frequently. When they’ve done something wrong, instead of taking responsibility, they shift the blame onto you. Rather than acknowledging their actions and apologizing, they turn the tables, making you feel like the one at fault.
This can be incredibly frustrating and emotionally draining, as they skillfully deflect attention from their behavior and make you question yourself in the situation. By doing so, they avoid accountability and leave you feeling guilty and uncertain.
Silent Treatment
Silent treatment is a well-known tactic used by people to get whatever they want or listen to what they want to hear. Whenever they want something or get away from a problem, they just mum themselves to silence and not speak one word. They ignore their partner until they do/say something that would prove the manipulator right or give them what they want.
I absolutely abhor people who weaponize silence because I believe communication is very important. Because as your partner, I will want to know what you’re feeling and what you’re going through, so I can adjust and understand what’s going on.
If you ignore your partner on purpose, what’s the point of being in a relationship? They are not mind readers who can guess what to say or do to make you feel better.
Gaslighting / Skewing
Being gaslit can feel like a form of psychological manipulation that happens right before your eyes. It’s as if someone is rewriting reality, altering the narrative in a way that makes you doubt your own perceptions. They stick to their version of events, no matter how distorted until you start questioning what really happened.
The goal is to make you believe you’re wrong and they’re right, eroding your confidence and trust in your own judgment. This can be incredibly disorienting and isolating, leaving you feeling uncertain about what’s real and what’s not.
Exaggeration
Exaggeration can be a powerful tool, but when used to distort the truth, it can be just as damaging as an outright lie. Even if a story is based on real events, inflating it beyond recognition can render it false. It’s one thing to embellish a tale slightly to add emphasis, but manipulators often take it too far, making their stories sound a little too extreme.
When conflicts arise, manipulators frequently focus on your mistakes, no matter how minor. They exaggerate these faults to make them seem comparable to their own, often to shift the blame or gain an advantage. This tactic not only distorts reality but also undermines trust and fairness in relationships.
How to Counter a Manipulator
If you ever have a manipulative spouse or partner, they would usually be a pathological liar, have low empathy skills, are known to be deflective, never take accountability for their fault, and show signs of narcissism. So how do you prevent yourself from being manipulated?
- A journal is your friend. Take note of everything they say or do on that specific date and time; so that when they ask “When have I ever hurt you?” or “What did I ever do to you?” you can whip out your journal entries and show proof of their actions.
- Keep questioning them until they run out of lies. People can handle lying to someone to a certain extent. They would usually forget or slip up whenever too many lies have been said.
- Don’t be swayed by their passive-aggressive behavior. Never stoop to their level. They’ll try to bait you to gain control.
- Trust in your judgment. If you have this gut feeling that something seems wrong, more or less you’re right about it. Sometimes you need to make sure that what you’re doing is not being leeched off by your partner.
Shut Yourself Out From Manipulation
If you ever find yourself entangled with a manipulator, protect your well-being by closing off your heart to their influence. Don’t feed them your energy or they will play you with their cunningness.
You are not a pawn to be used in their game of manipulation. Your emotions and energy are valuable, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. By distancing yourself from their cunning tactics, you’re not only safeguarding your emotional health but also affirming your worth.
You are more than just a target for their manipulation — you are a person deserving of genuine connection and care.
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