Psychology
Men’s Hidden Struggle: The Male Loneliness Epidemic
“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.”
Since time immemorial, men have always been looked up to as strong, even emotionless, individuals. And rightly so! Tasked with providing for and protecting his family, a weak man had no place in society.
But looking back, wasn’t this a little too much to ask of men? Imagine growing up in a society where showing emotions is considered weak. How long are men expected to bottle up this so-called weakness?
Men are strong because they have no choice. Do they now?
A father is expected to work, provide, repair, and be the anchor of the family. He is expected to be strong, rational, and stable. But what happens when a man doesn’t fit the category? What happens if he doesn’t have the traits a man should have?
Because of this, some men have become insecure. They don’t know where their place is. Worse, they can’t express what they’re feeling. That’s why it’s no secret that men are becoming lonelier by the minute.
We, women, are used to surrounding ourselves with a support group of friends and family. Sure, there are times when we feel lonely alone, but that’s not the case with most men. Men are lonely and I think it’s time we discuss this.
What is the Male Loneliness Epidemic?
What truly is the male loneliness epidemic? Why is it even considered an epidemic?
This epidemic is a phenomenon that showcases the staggering amount of men suffering from being lonely, alone, or completely suppressed, and it’s not limited to romantic relationships. Despite having male friends, they don’t talk about their feelings; often thinking that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.
Men find it difficult to explain to someone what they feel due to their upbringing. Even if professional help from psychiatrists and therapists is available, a lot of men choose not to seek them for fear of being judged. Most of the time they’re told to suck it up, muscle it out, and just get through the day; nobody’s going to believe or feel any sympathy for anything that they’re feeling.
To give you an understanding, let me show you some statistics and testimonies.
In the District of Columbia, the percentage of single-person households accounted for 48%, with single men fairing worse economically than partnered/married men. If you’re single, you’re more likely to have more trouble keeping up with finances and the lack of tax benefits slashes your income.
“I lost my father at a young age — I grew up with no father or any father figure, so I had to be a man by myself. I didn’t know if what I did was right or wrong. All I knew was it felt good. My mama loved me but never taught me how to be a man. I had friends — but all they knew were drugs, alcohol, and women. I ended up alone with these thoughts and a child I never expected to have. I looked at my baby, and wished I had somebody to help me become a father.”
“I spent my birthday alone in a bar; bought myself some brownies from a bakeshop I like, got myself some candles, and luckily the bartender was kind enough to give me one glass of beer on the house. I lit this cheap birthday candle; silently sang “Happy Birthday” to myself, and blew the fire out. And the next day, it was back to work. Nobody knew it was my birthday in the office. Nobody knew I just became 40.”
Sad, right?
It Keeps Getting Worse
In a span of two decades and a pandemic in 2020, the rise of single lonely men has been increasing. It was worse during the Covid pandemic when people were forced to isolate themselves from the outside world. People were already lonely, now they’re even lonelier. Most of the time, men are just at home either plastered on their televisions, PCs, or consoles and rotting in bed sleeping their days away.
The pandemic was the worst time for men. They were isolated, with no physical interaction. They were already burnt out from speaking to a computer screen whenever work came along, or their buddies just wanted to check in on each other. Because of this event in their lives, many men turned to dating sites or online forums seeking some form of companionship. When the restrictions died down around 2022, everyone had trouble adjusting to socializing.
It’s Time to Fight Back this Epidemic!
Understandably, most men nowadays have developed some form of trust issues due to bad dating experiences. Whenever they feel vulnerable, they share their tears and sorrows with their partners, only to have their feelings and vulnerability weaponized.
So how should men and women counter this epidemic? It’s not going to be simple, but here’s what I propose men should do.
Maintain Healthy Friendships
Making friends can be a little tricky, but that’s the beauty of it. No two friends are ever the same. Creating a friend group where you can freely support each other and express your feelings can drastically improve a man’s loneliness.
Sometimes, it takes someone to pull a man out of his shell and let him feel involved. Men are naturally cautious; they don’t dip their toes in unchartered waters until someone shows them it’s fine. Naturally, they’ll follow through. The more time you spend with each other, the more they come out of their shell and be more vulnerable.
Pursue Hobbies and Interests
A lot of men have hobbies; some are common, while some are niche. Creating a hobby group allows people to share their interests without any judgment. Knowing that men have unspoken love for a certain thing, they’d research and know the history or lore.
For instance, if you enjoy knitting, then have at it! Who said knitting isn’t for men?
The same can be said with toys; they’re not just for kids. Men nowadays form groups to share their collection of figurines and die-cast models. Some even collect shoes and display them. Others go fishing and compare different fishing spots to see which ones have better catches or better odds of catching a big one.
Find Your Third Place
For those unfamiliar with this term, this means “home away from home.” It can be referred to as a place or a group of people they can go to. Women tend to have a third place to unwind, reconnect, and socialize with others who feel the same; such as going to cafes and meeting with like-minded people or being friends with the baristas.
If we women can do this, why not men? Men should have their place to unwind, turn off their brains, and have fun. Maybe a pub with pool tables or a cafe that does car meets.
It’s All About You, Not What Others Think
Here’s the thing about male loneliness, a lot of men are afraid of what others think about what they feel. That’s one of the biggest reasons why the male loneliness epidemic is still a thing. People need to stop judging each other based on stereotypes; this is what hinders people from being themselves. People think they’re less of a man just because they can’t be what a “man” should be — strong, emotionless, and invulnerable.
Newsflash: Men are still human.
So, to all the men who are reading this, you can be whoever you want, you can feel whatever you’re feeling, and you can express them however you see fit. You are free to be yourself, as long as you’re not stepping on anyone’s toes. You are not alone, and you are definitely not any less of a man for having emotions and being vulnerable.
