Realities
Relationship Conflict: When Personalities Clash
A relationship is not always sunshine and rainbows. When two unique individuals commit to each other, relationship conflict eventually arises. No matter how much you and your partner love each other, there are bound to be differences between you as individuals, often leading to misunderstandings.
There comes a time when these misunderstandings and disagreements get a little too heated and you find yourself defending against your partner. Your instincts tell you to win the fight, but your mind says “No, I shouldn’t.”
Most of the time you won’t even know what’s going on until your partner calls you out for something you allegedly did. So naturally, your fight or flight instincts kick in and the argument goes all out. Sometimes it lasts for only a few minutes, while other times, it’s a lengthy day of conflict.
I know what you’re thinking, “I don’t wanna argue with my wife! It’s too tiring!” Well, to be fair, dealing with conflict is exhausting. No one said that being in a relationship is an easy feat. And even though you don’t like to fight, your partner just might want an answer out of you. You would want to know what your partner is mad about too.
Facing Conflict and Confrontations
Relationship conflict arises when two personalities clash against each other. Whenever someone has opposite views on a certain topic, they tend to exchange opinions and think they’re right. Sometimes, it’s not even about opinions, but experiences that transpired. For example, I caught my husband talking to another woman I’d never known. That is an experience that has transpired and I would like to confront him about it.
Understandably, people don’t like to argue with their partners because it’s mentally exhausting. It causes mental and physical stress to a person. Too many conflicts and arguments can cause a person to become indifferent, leading them to become apathetic and lose any signs of passion or determination to fight or resolve.
But then, unresolved conflict and unspoken trauma are the reasons why many grow vengeful of their exes. You would want to settle the score now, rather than a month or year after you’ve broken up.
How to Deal With Relationship Conflict
Confrontations and conflicts are normal in a relationship. You shouldn’t let them get to your head; a healthy relationship requires a good exchange of views. The good thing is, whenever there’s conflict, there’s always resolution.
Conflict resolution in relationships requires both parties to have the following:
Objectivity
Remember to always focus on the problem, and never bring up other things that aren’t related to the topic or the problem. If you’re arguing about why you never wash the dishes, for example, don’t bring up why your partner doesn’t arrange her things after dressing up. That’s irrelevant to the subject and will only exacerbate the problem. You may add things that correlate to the issue, but sometimes it’s better to stick to the problem to avoid unnecessary escalation.
Don’t get too emotional. Whenever you’re in a conflict, it’s natural for a person to feel frustrated, enraged, annoyed, sad, or any negative feeling. Take control of your emotions, and be mindful of what you say. I understand how easy it is to let all hell break loose, but once you do, there’s no turning back and you’ll have to reap what you sow.
Empathy
It doesn’t take much to understand your partner. If you were in their shoes, how would you feel? But of course, everybody has a different mindset; that means what they think is bad may not seem as bad for you. So, instead of just seeing what they saw, understand why they think so.
Why would they be angry in the first place? Why would they feel bad over something you’ve done? Or, what did you say that made them be like this?
Sympathy and empathy are two different things. One is feeling the same way as you, while the other is understanding what you went through. Both your feelings are valid. You need to understand your partner’s feelings and thoughts, as they should too.
Courtesy
Always remember to honor your partner, despite the arguments and the frustration, and never bring them down to a level where they feel degraded or stupid. They’re still your partner. A fight comes and goes, but your partner’s feelings will take a long time to recover.
Just like sports, show sportsmanship. It’s either just a misunderstanding, a polarizing view, or an explanation of their offended feelings.
Clarity in Communication
Communication is different from talking or speaking to your partner. You’d want to give the message to your partner while making them understand what you’re trying to say. Yes, you want to speak your mind, but my friend, not everyone thinks the same way as you. So, you have to be on a level where you and your partner can completely understand each other.
Make sure you’re not too clouded in judgment and emotions. Give yourselves time to breathe, and discuss things according to the problem. Being objective is different from having clarity. Having clarity means you understand what the problem is about and are determined to resolve your relationship conflict through healthy conversation.
At the End of the Day, Hug it Out
A fight’s a fight, it’s unavoidable. But at the end of the day, what’s important is that you both learned something about each other. Loving sometimes means pushing each other’s buttons. Be mature enough to act accordingly and resolve conflicts before they escalate.
A mature couple understands that conflicts are not the problem, it’s how you deal with them that matters. And when it’s over, forgive each other. Even if you’re not at fault, it doesn’t hurt to ask for forgiveness. There’s nothing wrong with being humble. They say that loving after a fight feels more satisfying and calming. So why not hug it out when everything’s said and done?
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